Ignite CSP

“But I’m uncomfortable in front of the audience…”

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A few years ago I was coaching a client who swayed back and forth as he spoke. We were videoing his talk, and I thought that when he saw how extreme his movement was, he’d be surprised.

 

“Oh, yes, I know that I do that when I speak,” he said. “It makes me feel secure.”

 

This was fascinating. His security-swaying undermined his talk; it was hard to follow what he said when he was shifting his weight so that one foot, then the other, would actually leave the floor. He had clearly calculated that the swaying was worth it as long as he felt comfortable.

 

The trade-off, of course, is that the audience is distracted by the movement and can’t focus on his message. So what’s the real objective for the talk? For the speaker to feel secure or for the audience to receive the message?

 

We can have both. Coaching can bring the speaker a sense of safety in front of the audience, and that pays off for the speaker and the audience.

 

Check out Ignite CSP’s approach here: https://www.ignitecsp.com/how-we-do-it/individual-coaching/

You and your slides.

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You’re in charge.

 

  • If you are looking for the text on your slide to tell you what’s next, you’re not in charge.
  • If you can’t do your presentation without your slides, you’re not in charge.
  • If the audience could get the information from your deck without you there, you’re not in charge (and why bother getting people together in person?)

 

You’re the main attraction. You’re the star. Don’t let your slides upstage you!

Grinding your own beans

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The hotel room I was visiting in Germany this week offered coffee, like most of the hotel rooms I stay in. Typically there’s a tiny version of a kitchen coffeemaker or one of the pod-type machines, generating weak brown liquid with caffeine that’s just passable to get me through my morning to a real cup of coffee.

 

Here, though, I was given a kettle, a small French press, a paper bag of coffee beans, and a manual grinder.

 

This was amazing. The design of each element was pleasing. It was fun to use the electric kettle, to turn the crank of the grinder, to pour the water over the grounds, to steep the coffee, to press the plunger. It wasn’t convenient and it wasn’t quick, but the coffee was delicious and the process was satisfying.

 

What do we get when we trade the delicious, the satisfying, for the merely adequate but quick?

 

Is it worth it?

Not alone.

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Last week when I was out of town for a few days, I visited a gym. This was a small gym in a rec center, like you may find in a pretty good hotel. I had been there about 30 minutes when a woman came in, settled into a corner, and got on her phone.

 

She didn’t start texting or finding music to listen to on her headphones. She put her AirPods in her ears, then started a lengthy conversation with a colleague about a deal they were putting together.

 

Crunches on the mat = “We went through this with them last time.”

 

Seated dumbbell raises = “I told her we can’t do that.”

 

Lunges down the floor = “Let’s look at some options to make this happen.”

 

She treated the room as though she were alone in her house, speaking full volume, striding around the space as she went from one exercise to the next. The room had been silent when she came in, and there were six other people there, working out.

 

She wasn’t alone. We were all there, subject to her 20 minute conversation. Her talking completely changed the feeling in the room, and I finished up early to get away.

 

Just because we can work anywhere, doesn’t mean we should.

Just be early.

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If you’re leading a meeting that starts at 9, get there with twice as much time as you think you’ll need to prepare.

 

You’ll get lost, the tech will fail, they’ll change your room, the tech will fail, someone will knock over an urn of coffee in the corner, the tech will definitely fail.

 

It’s better to be there early with time to spare to greet the people coming in,than to be scrambling while they mill around, unwelcomed.

Jared, the waiter with personal power

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Recently I was in Pittsburgh for work (nice city!), and one night our team had dinner at the restaurant in our hotel. Our waiter, Jared, transformed the evening.

 

He greeted us and made some small talk, like servers often do. Then he told us: “You are my only table tonight, and I’ve been given permission to  create a tasting menu for you. I will guarantee that everyone here,” (there were 13 of us), “will be totally happy. I just need the answers to four questions.”

 

Four questions, and your answers will lead to a guaranteed-delightful experience. We said yes.

 

The meal was phenomenal, but that wasn’t the only thing we noticed. Being coaches who specialize in noticing how people show up in the world, we were blown away by his confidence, his assurance that he could deliver on his promise. It was so gutsy, and so authentic, that we had to believe him; we had to take the leap.

 

I think that’s leadership. Jared created a vision of a delicious and exciting dinner, and we wanted to follow him. Later in the meal, Jared was bringing something to the table, and we started talking with him. It turned out that he was in financial services for eight years, then left that to start a company that trains therapy dogs that go into nursing homes. He has eleven employees. At night, he’s a waiter.

 

Jared is a leader wherever he goes. He is looking for a way to show people his vision of the future, and to invite them along. It might be a three-course tasting menu or a therapy program with dogs, but his leadership and confidence will get you there.

Surprise!

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I prefer not to think before speaking; I like surprises.

 

I saw this on a T-shirt a woman was wearing at the mall, and of course I had to grab my phone and jot it down before I forgot.

 

It made me laugh—I imagined her talking, then her eyes widening as she heard what was coming out of her mouth.

 

Most of us have had that experience, right? The words we’re saying weren’t what we planned, or maybe we had just thought, “I’m not going to weigh in on this,” and then we find ourselves speaking in the next moment.

 

I prefer not to think before speaking; I like surprises.

 

That’s a choice! The question becomes this: what kinds of surprises do you like? Which ones would you actually rather avoid?

What are my hands doing? Have they ever done this before?

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We’ve all had that feeling.

 

I don’t know what to do with my hands.

 

We use our hands naturally, effortlessly, day in and day out, but certain situations make us suddenly acutely aware of them. What are they doing out there, flopping around? What have I ever done with them in the past that seems comfortable?

 

DO: Find a resting spot for your hands that is about three inches away from your torso, roughly in front of your belt line. I like to loosely clasp my hands there, ready to gesture or use a clicker.  If you’re seated, have your hands in front of you on the table, again available for your use.

 

DO: Use your hands to emphasize your points, if you typically gesture when you speak. It’s natural and will make you feel more relaxed and natural.

 

DO: Get some video of yourself presenting so you can see what you’re doing with your hands, and evaluate in a calm moment.

 

DON’T: Trap your hands, either behind your back or by your sides. It’s okay to let them off the leash!

 

DON’T: Overthink your hands—they’ll know what to do if you concentrate on connecting with your audience.

 

Good luck! And remember, we’ve all been there.

Say your name say your name

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One of the most common things we do when meeting new people is say our own name. “Hi, nice to meet you! I’m Angie Flynn-McIver.”  Happens all the time.

 

Maybe because our names are so familiar to us, we’re not always great at remembering that the person we’re talking to has never heard it before. Often, the name is a rushed-through series of syllables that’s difficult to understand.

 

My name is a tricky one. We’ve got the hyphen, which adds an element of complication, and then the “i” in McIver is pronounced with a long “e” sound. I’m not alone—easily half of the people I meet have names that require a little effort, on the part pf the speaker and the listener.

 

I want to offer the example of my friend and colleague, Neela Muñoz. Neela describes the act of saying your name as being like giving a gift to the other person—the gift is that they understand you the first time! You say your name slowly and clearly, with a pause between the first and last name. If you have a name that’s particularly long or unusual, own it! Don’t shorten it, or throw it away.

 

Tell us who you are—every glorious syllable.

GOAL!

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First, let me say that I don’t know much about soccer. I enjoy watching it every four years, but to say that I’m a casual fan is an overstatement.

 

But I was watching the US women’s team in the final against the Netherlands, and the role of the goalkeeper struck me. Not the pressure, or the long periods when she has to be alert but mostly inactive. What I noticed was what happens when a member of the opposing team squares up for a penalty kick.

 

The goalkeeper has to decide, in a split second, what the kicker is going to do. She has to commit to blocking that shot in one direction or another, with no more information than the way that the kicker is running up to the ball. She has to make the decision and go with it.

 

In this game, the phenomenal Netherlands goalkeeper, Sari van Veenendaal, was facing off against Megan Rapinoe for what could be the first point of the game (at the 61 minute mark.) Rapinoe jogged towards the ball, then, seemingly as relaxed as she would be in her own backyard, kicked it right past van Veenendaal, who barely moved.

 

Now, I have absolutely no idea what was going through van Veenendaal’s mind as Rapinoe’s foot made contact with the ball. But what I thought of was the price of indecision. When there are more choices than we can explore, sometimes we are paralyzed; we can’t move forward for fear that the choice we make will be the wrong one. What seems clear, though, is that the longer we take to decide, the fewer options we have, until the ball goes right by us into the net.

 

Commit. Even if that decision isn’t the very best one, it puts you in motion.