One of my favorite bloggers recently wrote a post questioning why cab drivers ask you what time your flight is when they’re driving you to the airport. His point was: Why ask the question when the answer won’t affect how fast you can get me there? It’s only adding unproductive tension.

I usually think this blogger is right on, but he missed something here. What if we assume the cab driver does have a reason for asking the question? What could that be?

Maybe the driver has learned from long experience to mitigate someone’s expectations when the stakes are high (like catching a plane). If a tourist grabs a cab in Times Square at 5pm and thinks he’s going to make it for a 5:30 flight out of JFK, maybe the driver wants to let him know as soon as possible that that’s not happening.

Or maybe the driver has been on there receiving end of someone figuring out too late that they’re going to the wrong airport, and asking them what time and what terminal solves this problem earlier. 

Or maybe the driver knows that this question leads to better tips.

Or maybe the driver is looking to reassure the passenger that there’s time to get there—that he’s a professional and the passenger is in good hands.

“What time is your flight?” has always sounded to me like an exercise in empathy—we’re on the same team here, and I’ll get you where you need to go.

And finally, I think that asking when the flight is leaving can serve the purpose of alleviating tension rather than creating it. Think about it: the passenger has entered the driver’s space. The driver spends all day trying to quickly read and adequately serve lots of different people with different needs. 

Asking a question can help the driver understand a little more about the passenger, their state of mind, sense of urgency, etc. That helps the driver maintain a sense of control over their own space which, again, is entered over and over again all day (or night) long.  The question empowers the driver—he doesn’t have to be just the person powering the car, he can be involved in the journey.

There’s always a possibility that your view of an exchange isn’t the only interpretation. What are some other perspectives? What’s the opportunity in imagining the other side?

Put your camera at eye level.

Get a cheap shelf that’s made to hold up your laptop, or stack up some books.

Check the height by turning on your camera and checking your gorgeous self out. Can you see a bunch of the ceiling behind you? Is the fan coming out of your head? Can you see more of your neck than your face?  Then your camera is too low. Jack that baby up!

Here’s why:

As I’ve written before, eye contact doesn’t exist on videoconference. But one good way to show that you’re present and attentive is to engage with your screen as though it were the other person. When you’re looking down, it feels kind of like we’re lying on your desk, among your Post-Its and pens…which is weird.

Also, it’s so much better for your neck and back when you can look straight ahead instead of down at your screen. All the physical therapists say so!

(If you are going to do a ton of work via videoconference, go ahead and invest in a set-up that allows you to type at desk height and still have your screen at eye level. There are a few ways to do this; choose the one that fits your style and budget!)

Let’s say you discover you’ve dropped the ball on something at work, and four of your team members are affected. It’s immediately clear to you that it’s your fault, and you feel bad.

This is a prime opportunity for default intention to rear its head. You might want to defend yourself, to shift the blame, to minimize the problem, to avoid an unpleasant conversation…

But what you’ll find is that your default intention will activate others’ default intentions. If you try to shift the blame, others may go on the attack. If you try to avoid talking about it, others may assume your guilt. If you try to minimize the problem, they may respond by making sure you know every bad effect you created.

This battle of default intentions creates a much bigger problem than there was before. 

In the moment of realizing the mistake, you’re at an Intention Crossroads. Your default behaviors will be shouting at you to do what they say. “It’s not your fault! Just shrug it off! Don’t respond to the email!”

Take a moment here. Breathe. Imagine what outcome you hope for. Think about what your team members need from you. Create a deliberate intention that allows you to move forward.

To apologize

To make it right

To listen

To collaborate on a solution

Default intention is trying to help—it knows we don’t want to feel vulnerable or wrong. But the good news is that deliberate intention also amplifies other peoples’ deliberate intentions. Coming to the conversation with active listening, genuine apology, and actions to correct the mistake may lead to a better outcome than you can imagine. Deliberate intention includes everyone.

Choosing deliberate intention is the way to transform the mistake into a gift.What can you learn? What can you do better next time?

In movies, this means “get to the part where the action happens.” Literally, “cut to the chase scene.”

In your talks, stories, and presentations, the same principle applies. Get to the good stuff. Limit the exposition and explanation. Think: if the audience only hears one thing, what should it be?

You have only seconds to convince your audience you’re worth listening to—don’t bury your message in minutes of introduction and lead-up.

“…remote working alone is not as problematic as the prospect of doing it for an indefinite time. We don’t know what it means for our general life plans and lifestyle, and we’re unable to make key logistical decisions, including where to live, what to expect for our long-term career prospects and employability, and how to manage our personal lives and relationships.” Fast Company article

In the last three months or so, several of my clients have been expressing unease and discomfort with aspects of their work-from-home status. They understand, of course, why it’s necessary, and are totally on board with doing what needs to be done to keep as many people as possible safe and healthy.

But the ambiguity of the situation is wearing on them. How long? And maybe more importantly, what does this new normal really mean in terms of setting boundaries between work and home?

In March, we all jumped into action. We rose to the occasion, helping our workplaces in whatever way was necessary. We stayed home, we took on extra projects, we spent all day on Zoom (even for calls and meetings that would have been held on the phone just weeks earlier.) And for a few months that seemed fine. Surely we would be back in our offices soon.

Then, as the country failed to get the epidemic under control, a new phase set in. The extra work was bleeding into nights and weekends, and my clients felt unable to set limits on when their managers could call on them. One person in particular never has a day off—even when he is “off,” he has to respond to email, track certain key metrics, and update a company website. Even though these tasks only take an hour or so, they prevent him from completely relaxing into a day away from work. 

Leaders need to assess the current situation from a human perspective. If we have to sustain this operating model for another six, eight, twelve months, what should that really look like? How can we take care of staff so that they have what they need—a paycheck, yes, but also time away from the computer, reasonable boundaries, and the feeling of being on a team that is moving with intention, not reaction, through this global upheaval.

Check out the whole article here.

Last week, I was coaching a client, let’s call him Rob, who was preparing for a course he would be leading. The topic was time management, and as Rob began, he said, “I’m bad at time management! Some of the areas I struggle with are…” and he listed two or three specific challenges he faced.

After he ran through his lesson, I asked the small coaching group I was working with what Rob had done well. We all agreed that he had done a great job—he was engaging, facilitated a robust discussion, and had insightful things to say about the topic.

“There’s one thing I want to point out,” I went on. “I loved that you are sharing your vulnerability on this topic by letting the class know that there are areas of time management that are hard for you. That worked really well in getting the others to open up and share their experiences. But I would be careful not to describe yourself as being ‘bad at it.’”

I went on to explain that certain words are really loaded, and they create immediate connections in our brains between the person saying the word and the person themselves. “Bad” is one of these words. The impact of the statement “I’m bad at that,” is amplified in this situation because the students have no prior relationship with Rob. They don’t know whether they should read that as self-deprecating or humble, so it just sounds like a statement of fact. So then why is this person who is “bad at time management” teaching them about it?

Another example of this was when I was coaching the CEO of a financial services firm. In the introduction of a big pitch to a potential new client, he used the word “doom” to describe his career during the Enron debacle. While I’m sure that was true, he didn’t want to create an association in the client’s mind between himself and doom!

Rob heard what I was saying with surprise. “I didn’t even realize I had said that! I guess instead I could say something like, ‘Most people have areas that they can work on regarding time management, and that’s true of me, too!’” What a great adjustment! The students still hear the invitation to share, and they have the assurance that the course is being taught by someone who isn’t here to judge, but to support. 

Everything doesn’t need to be a euphemism, and I’m wary of jargon that seems to be hiding what’s really going on. But do be aware of how you talk about yourself, your team, and your projects. What may feel like gentle joking or self-deprecation could have a bigger, and more negative, effect than you want.

My colleague Anne texted me late one night this week with some very exciting Zoom news! 

Drumroll, please…

You can rearrange the gallery view of participants to suit your needs!! 

This is really helpful for facilitators, teachers, and instructors. Imagine, you want to be able to have people speak in a specific order, or to have a panel of people participate, perhaps do a scene study class or a group report…there are a lot of situations where it is going to be nice to be able to direct your participants’ eyes quickly and easily. At minimum, this can ensure that everyone on your call is seeing everyone else in the same order.

This had gotten by me, so I wanted to make sure you knew!!

https://support.zoom.us/hc/en-us/articles/360048388632-New-Updates-for-September-1-2020?fbclid=IwAR34abp-fPI_1m2COWNuwBOmosRQCH31dnmpZW-HrBD-NIbXv0ZhnmI6Qpk

Ignite CSP founder and senior coach Angie Flynn-McIver shares a few thoughts about what it means to create deliberate space for your virtual interactions:

In our coaching approach, we are really high on practice. My standard instruction is, “You should have your content complete at least a week before you are going to present, so that you don’t have to adjust at the last minute.”

But let’s have some real talk.  It’s rare that we’re working that far ahead. In order to have our talking points solid a week ahead of time, we have to have been working on them for a couple of weeks already. And while there are those unicorns out there who do this, it’s uncommon. And sometimes we’re asked to present with little time to prepare. So what should we focus on when we find ourselves with only a little time?

If you’re going to prepare a presentation less than a week before you have to give it, this is my advice.

• Ask yourself, “What will make this time well-spent for my audience? What do I want them to walk away feeling?” Be as specific as you can. This is they “why” of this presentation, and everything else comes from there.
• Figure out the most important aspect of your talk, and start developing that content first. We tend to start at the beginning, but, apologies to Maria von Trapp,  it’s more effective to start with what’s most important.
• Create your content out loud. You will save yourself a lot of time and effort if you skip the step of writing it all out. As you develop your ideas, say them out loud and then jot them down. When you do this, you’re practicing, hearing how the words sound out loud, and moving yourself much closer to being ready. 

And always, always, come back to intention before you begin speaking. “What impact to I want to have? How do I want this audience to feel?” The combination of a strong intention and a clear focus on the one or two messages of your talk will get you prepared in no time.

“Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.”

Coco Chanel was talking about accessories, but the same idea can be applied to your presentation. Some of us have a tendency to want to cover everything we know about a topic when we’re asked to present. We feel like we’re doing it in an attempt to be thorough, to cover all the bases. 

Unfortunately, this impulse achieves the opposite of what we hope. Too much information distracts from the one or two key ideas we want to get across. Pare down your message and support it in several different ways. If your outfit is festooned with a lapel pin, necklace, a fascinator, and evening gloves, it’s very hard to see the simple, perfectly tailored suit underneath.  

Clear away what isn’t important. Cut everything that doesn’t serve your core message. Leave the evening gloves at home.