Ignite CSP

human connection versus the global machine

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Recently I went out of town overnight, and I chose a hotel that isn’t part of a chain. I hesitated for a while before I chose it. It was a little less expensive than a chain, but not so much as to be worrying. It was close to where I needed to be. The photos of the rooms showed a unique aesthetic—one that hadn’t been chosen by a global marketing department. Still, I knew what I’d be getting with a Westin or a Hilton. What if this choice was a bad one?

 

When the Uber pulled up in front of the door on Saturday, I saw that there was a tasteful brass nameplate. The door, which was like the door of a brownstone, was locked. I pressed the bell, and the door was opened by a small man with a big smile. His name was Vincent. He ushered me into the front room—this had been converted from a brownstone, indeed. He showed me to the available rooms, explaining that, while I could have the one I had chosen online, it was right next to their laundry room, and maybe I would prefer one on the top floor at the back of the building. We walked up, and he showed me into a room that was clean and well-decorated. It felt like being in the thoughtfully-appointed guest room at a good friend’s house.

 

Vincent showed me the quirks of the room, then left me to get settled. I had explained to him that I was in town just for a few hours, to see some old friends I hadn’t seen in 26 years. He could see that I was nervous, and he let me talk. When I came downstairs later to go out, he made sure that I knew where I was headed, told me I looked great, and said he’d see me when I got back.

 

I had a wonderful time with my friends, and Vincent did indeed pop out of the back when I came in later to ask how my evening had been. I said it was great, and that I would be leaving early the next morning. When I came quietly down at 6:45am, Vincent was there, bidding me safe travels.

 

My short conversations with Vincent colored and enhanced my whole weekend. He was a person with me, not a cog in the wheel of the hospitality machine. He let me be a little vulnerable, he made my visit feel personal and deep. There are so many opportunities for this kind of connection in our lives, and it seems like we are automating ourselves away from them.

 

How can you show up in someone else’s life as a person, not a brand?

Blind spots.

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Blind spots.

 

When we’re driving, they’re that place in the neighboring lane where we can’t see what lurks. Is there a Honda Civic sitting there, just waiting to honk if we try to change lanes?

 

In your home, you may have blind spots, too. A corner that’s neglected, that has had the same few things piled on a surface for so long you’ve stopped seeing it. A closet that has so much pushed to the back you don’t even know what’s back there.

 

What about in the way you talk to people? Any blind spots there? Assumptions you make, about what they’re saying and what it means? Or conclusions you leap to? How can you identify these blind spots?

Not the same.

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“I worried a lot about this” isn’t the same as “I prepared.”

Go with it.

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today’s blog is being typed with one hand, laptop perched on the arm of a couch. our puppy, Ollie, who usually sleeps through my morning writing session, is up early today and can’t seem to settle anywhere but mostly on top of my left hip, leaning into my arm.

what to do? this is my writing hour. it will be hard to find time to make it up later.

I’m going with it.

What do we mean when we talk about intention?

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In our coaching approach, your intention drives everything about your communication. It’s the engine, it’s the reason you are speaking.

 

Intention is the way you want to affect the person you are speaking to. Put another way, what do you want to change by speaking? what do you want to happen?

 

I’m bringing this up because intention can be really hard to get our minds around. With some of our clients, especially the ones who are working on presentations, “intention” becomes shorthand for “a summary of the main points I want to make.”  That is not intention. 

 

If you’re giving a presentation to senior leaders at your company about an innovation you’d like to introduce, your intention might be to inspire confidence in my leadership. That’s the bottom layer, the foundation of your message. You can’t sell them on the details of your idea until they trust you.

Getting it right isn’t good enough.

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Wow, do we like to get it right in a presentation.

 
Often, this looks like offering a lot of coverage of a subject. We say we’re being informative. But in this day and age, we don’t need to be informative in a presentation or talk; we have the internet for that. And more to the point, the intention to get it right is about the speaker, not the audience. The audience usually assumes that you are getting it right, so ironically, the more you insist on giving layers of detail, the more it seems like you’re working too hard.

 
Confident leaders aren’t afraid of getting questions, even ones they don’t know the answers to. They are nimble communicators, so they feel they can talk about a topic with the intention to engage the audience and trust that “getting it right” will take care of itself. In fact, in this case, to get it right means not the details or the data, but the connection with the people.

 
What are the telltale signs that we are trying to get it right? If you’re adding detail, running over your allotted time, or shoehorning more data into your talk, you’re probably trying to get it right. However, if you know exactly how you want to affect your audience, and you are ready to support that message with stories, examples, and data, you are using a deliberate, positive intention.

The moment before

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There’s a moment right before you say something. A moment when you’re drawing in breath to speak, when you can alter the course of what’s coming next. In that moment, where are you? What are you thinking about?

 
Are you two steps down the road of the discussion you’re having, trying to win an argument or prove that you’re right? Are you already conceding the point that you know you really believe in? In that moment, what do you want to happen next?

 
That breath, that impulse is a built-in check on your intention. What can you create if you take just that moment and decide on a deliberate path forward? What happens if you steer away from your default intention and choose something else?

“What it’s for” versus “What it’s about”

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What is this communication for?

 
What do you hope to achieve?
How do you want the person you’re talking to to feel as a result of what you say? What do you want them to do, or think?
What result are you trying to create?

 
This is intention. When you say what you say, what do you put into motion?

 
Often, however, we answer “what it’s for” with “what it’s about.” About gives us information, data, plot. It doesn’t tell us why.

 
An about without a for doesn’t get you very far.

The invisible limits of memorizing

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Memorization is only the illusion of control.

 

It’s like driving a kid’s go-cart on a circumscribed track rather than hitting the open road in a Ferrari.

 

Don’t limit yourself to memorization.

How to moderate a panel.

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As the moderator, your job is to create
an engaging and educational experience for the audience.

 

This may seem obvious, but it’s easy to get distracted from this essential task. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

 

Send the questions you’ll be asking to the panelists ahead of time. If you’ll be opening the floor to questions from the audience at some point, explain what the parameters of that question time will be.

 

Be very clear about the length of the answers you are expecting, and whether each panelist will need to answer each question.

 

Take charge of the questioning. Decide who will answer each question, and be specific. “Tony and Anne, I’d like to hear from each of you on the following question.”  This sets the expectations very clearly, and lets the panelists know that everyone will get their voice in the room. It also saves the audience from the very common habit of three people on a panel answering the same question, then the last person saying, “Well, I don’t have much to add, but I will say…” and then they go on and say the same thing in a slightly different way.

 

Get a diversity of responses. The only reason to have many people is to get a variety of perspectives and perhaps even some disagreement.

 

Don’t be afraid to be in charge. That’s what you’re there for!