Ignite CSP

Curiosity, imagination, and humility

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At Ignite CSP, we talk and think a lot about what our values are, and about what it takes to show up powerfully for our clients. We want to be clear about what characteristics we bring to the forefront when we are working, when we are in relationship with others.

 

Of course in order to do this work, a coach needs to be familiar with our methodology, and needs to be, as we say, a detective of human behavior. It’s important to be able to see and name behavior, and to help clients identify what’s helping them work towards their goals and what isn’t.

 

But more than that, in order to truly serve in our work, you have to have curiosity, humility, and imagination.

 

Curiosity: what makes this person tick? What do they love and what do they despise? What lights them up? What are their fears? Being in relationship with our clients means wanting to learn about them and their work.

 

Imagination: Imagination is a close cousin to empathy. When you listen to someone describe an experience and you can imagine it, visualize it, project yourself into its landscape, it is easier for you to empathize with them. Imagination helps us see the current situation and see where it might go in the future. Imagination gives us the scope to look beyond the present moment.

 

Humility: This value is the most important of all. Humility is what allows us to listen, to question our own assumptions, to admit we were wrong, and to fix our mistakes. Humility is what keeps us questioning, flexible, and willing to grow.

 

We rely on curiosity, imagination, and humility. What values are integral to your work?

When you need to learn something

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When you need to learn a skill, what do you do? Let’s say you need to build a raised garden bed, or bake a loaf of bread. You might consult a book, or watch a YouTube video, or you might ask a friend who already has this skill.

 

It’s unlikely that as an unskilled carpenter or baker you’ll just pull out some 2x4s or flour and start guessing. You won’t rely on your opinions or beliefs or hunches about building and baking. You’ll collect resources first. You’ll ask an expert.

 

In this time of upheaval, the reasonable habit of asking the experts is a good one to remember. Who are the experts? In the science of viruses and pandemics, the experts are the people who have spent their lives studying virology, public health, and the spread of communicable disease.

 

In the area of antiracism, the experts are the people who have spent their lives on the receiving end of racist policies and systems.

 

Even, or especially, when the answers are hard to find, it’s important that we remember that there are people who know more about this than we do. It’s vital to do the work of educating ourselves, and acknowledging the gaps in our own knowledge rather than filling those gaps with guesses.

Flashback: archived posts

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As you know, I have been writing this week about how Ignite CSP is moving forward with our commitment to antiracism and Black Lives Matter.

I’m linking some past posts here that have been good reminders for me about intention and listening.

Parenting with Intention

The most important thing about talking

Manipulation.

 

I would love to hear from you.

How are you experiencing this historical time, specifically in terms of antiracism and Black Lives Matter?

What do you wish you were seeing more or less of? What do I need to know, to think about, read, or learn?

Practice.

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Intention.
Alignment.
Practice.

 

This week I am applying Ignite CSP’s coaching framework to our commitment to antiracism and the Black Lives Matter movement.

 

On Monday I wrote about intention, the driver of communication, and yesterday about alignment, the behavior generated by intention. Today I’m looking at practice, the third element of the process.

 

Practice is the least interesting part of most skill-building, but it is crucial. Today I am reminding myself that change is not possible except through practice. And engaging in practice means that I will make mistakes, I will fail, and I will learn.

 

The idea of failing, especially in an area as crucial as antiracism, is scary to me. I don’t want to make mistakes. But more vitally, doing nothing because I’m afraid of messing up isn’t an option.

 

Practice. Practice interrogating my intentions. Practice bringing my actions into alignment. Practice having tough conversations. Practice, and mess up, and try again.

Alignment.

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Intention.
Alignment.
Practice.

 

This week I am applying Ignite CSP’s coaching framework to our commitment to antiracism and the Black Lives Matter movement.

 

Yesterday I wrote about intention, the driver of action. Intention is the instigator; intention tells us what to do. We have to cultivate self-awareness of our reactive, default intentions before we can transform them into generative deliberate intentions.

 

The second step in this process is alignment. Alignment is the behavior that grows out of your intentions. It is what we see in someone else that tells us, “They’re nervous, they’re confident, they don’t like me, they’re irritated, they are in a hurry.” We read, and send, these signals instinctively. It is very hard to have behavior that is not aligned with your intention.

 

For example, think about a time when you have been nervous—maybe a big presentation, a job interview, or a toast at a wedding. I bet someone said to you, “Oh, don’t be nervous! You’ll be fine!” But that advice never helps because it ignores the fact that your intention (to hide, to apologize, to get this over with) is still active. So you still speak quickly (to get it over with), quietly (to hide), and stand behind the nearest piece of furniture you can find (to hide).

 

If you can transform your intention, it’s like installing new software. Now the job interview is an opportunity to connect, the presentation is a chance to get the team excited about the new initiative, and the wedding toast is the time when you get to celebrate this union. These deliberate intentions change your behavior. The single most effective way to leverage change in your communication skills is to change intention. Now you speak more slowly, so that  no one misses the points you’ve prepared. You speak at a volume that includes everyone in the room. You stand front and center so that there’s no barrier between you and the rest of the room.

 

In keeping with this philosophy, we at Ignite CSP are studying our behaviors, our alignment. We are looking at our corporate body language and tone. We are transforming our intention to leverage greater change. We are turning intention into action.

Ignite CSP’s commitment.

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Intention.
Alignment.
Practice.

 

This is the three-part process that Ignite CSP uses in every coaching engagement, every workshop. It’s the foundation of our work, and as coaches we apply it in our lives daily. Over the last week I have been thinking hard about how this framework can instruct Ignite CSP in taking our work forward in a specifically antiracist direction.

 

First I’m looking at intention.

 

Intention: how do you hope to affect the person you’re speaking to? What do you want the outcome of your communication to be? Intention stems partly from mindset, and it is the driver of our communication. Intention chooses our words and colors our tone. It seeps into our body language and selects where we sit in the room. It is active and working all the time, whether we know it or not.

 

One of the most powerful tools in my life is an awareness of deliberate versus default intention. Deliberate intention means I’m thinking about the outcome of my communication and actively making choices to further that outcome. Default intention means I’m reactive, not thoughtful, and likely to be misunderstood or to cause a disagreement.

 

All intentions are action words, verbs. Default intentions are verbs like to hide, to get it over with, to defend, to shut it down, to diminish, to prove I’m right, to show they’re wrong. These may serve a short-term goal, but they don’t further any long-term connection or growth. In fact, default intention frequently impedes real communication. It is often born out of fear and discomfort, and it always fails to acknowledge the needs of the other person.

 

Deliberate intention requires us to pause, to think about how we want to connect. Do we want to listen deeply? To clarify? To support? To welcome? To challenge? Deliberate intention serves the long-term goal of deepening connection and understanding. It is always in service of the other person.

 

In this historical moment, I am looking at my own commitment to deliberate intention in a new way. Action begins with intention. In this light, I think about Patrick Skinner, a police officer in Savannah, who says that in order to serve his neighbors, he must first think of them as neighbors. He rejects the mindset of the warrior police, militarized and weaponized, and instead embraces the idea that he is there to talk, to connect, to know the people he lives near, and to show up for them in the way they need him.

 

I am also reading Ibram X. Kendi’s book, How to Be an Antiracist. At Ignite CSP, we are looking deeply at our default intentions. What are our systems and assumptions that further a racist agenda? What are the steps we need to take to transform these into deliberate intentions that serve our plans and goals moving forward?

 

There are no answers yet, but I am committed to finding them. Intention is the foundation of action.

Being present when you’re not present

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Like many of us, I’m spending a lot of time with people who are in other places. One of the best things about this is that so many people are reaching out, looking for connection, making time to sit down and talk together.

 

Being present when you’re not physically present is hard. I have a couple of thoughts to share with you about how to maximize your presence.

 

1) Do one thing at a time. It can be tempting to scroll through email or check a text when you’re on a Zoom or phone call, but single-tasking is the name pf the game when it comes to being present.

 

2) Make the implicit explicit. Tell people how you feel, using descriptive words.

 

“I love seeing your face.”
“It makes me happy to connect with you.”
“I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had a hard week.”

 

Being present in 2D means we miss a lot of subtle cues; use words that do a lot of emotional work to make up the difference.

 

3) Listen and reflect back.

 

“I’m hearing you say…” 
“Let me make sure I understand…”
“When you say that, do you mean…”

 

Give space for everyone speaking to refine and clarify.

 

It can be hard to feel truly satisfied after a virtual connection. Slowing down and leaning in can help make the difference.

Fight Zoom fatigue with these tips

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As we all know by now, Zoom fatigue is real. Every person I know who is conducting their work over a video platform day and day out testifies to the strange exhaustion it leaves in its wake.

 

 
As best as I can tell from the research that’s out there now, moving our lives to video is tiring for several reasons. The biggest is that our brains are in overdrive trying to make sense of the visual cues they’re getting that don’t have an analog in our 3D world. 

 

 
People are too close or too far away, their volume varies, we see a group of people in the same “place” with different backgrounds, etc. etc. This all combines to create a situation that’s sort of like when you’re going through a normal day fighting off a cold—you’re preoccupied, and things that would normally be simple are more taxing.

 

 
I suggest that you prepare for even ordinary calls on Zoom (or other video platforms) the way you would prepare for a big speech or meeting. Energy is your most precious resource in these circumstances, and in order to create a good experience for your audience you need to bring as much as you can!
    • Conserve your energy beforehand so you can bring it all to the camera. 
    • Limit your screen time before the meeting or workshop so that you’re not already experiencing Zoom fatigue. 
    • Have a good meal and drink plenty of water. 
    • Limit caffeine.
    • Turn off the self-view. Watching yourself is distracting, and you would never do it in real life, so it’s very confusing for your brain. 
    • Set up the space around you to be soothing and pleasant (I like to light a scented candle.)
    • Don’t schedule Zoom meetings back to back.

This may also be a good time for the reminder that not all meetings have to be on Zoom. 🙂

Smiling behind my mask

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More on masks….

 

When I’m out in public, I may feel rushed to get my errand finished so that I make room for other shoppers or limit my time inside.

 

But as I have written before, there are always two things happening in these situations—1) getting the task done, and 2) connecting with the human helping with the task. I can hurry through the encounter, prioritizing the “task” part, I can linger over the “human” part, wasting their time, or I can balance the two components.

 

It doesn’t take any longer for the cashier to ring me up if I’m pleasant, make eye contact, and am sure to smile underneath my mask. The smile changes the way my face looks, so she can tell I’m connecting with her. In addition, she can hear the smile in my voice as I say thank you and have a great day.

 

We have barriers between us. I want to use all the tools I can to bridge them.

Talking with my mask on

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This is a uniquely fascinating time to be a person who thinks a lot about how we communicate. The most basic unit of communication, one person speaking to another face to face, has been disrupted—now we speak over video and text and email and phone, but almost never face to face. And of course all those alternative platforms give us new and interesting ways to miscommunicate!

 

Now that many of us are venturing out of our homes again, a new set of obstacles has come up. We wear masks to protect our community, which is a very good thing. But communicating with a mask on can be very tricky.

 

Many people who are hard-of-hearing rely on lip reading to boost their comprehension. Even those who aren’t hard-of-hearing unconsciously combine lip reading, facial expression, and the words spoken to create meaning of what they’ve heard. Masks take away or limit our ability to do all three of those things.

 

These tips may seem obvious, but I’m going to throw them out there anyway, since I’ve been noticing my own habits keeping me from communicating as well as I can. When you’re out in the world, wearing a mask and speaking to other people wearing masks:
  • Look right at the person you’re speaking to so you can direct your voice to them.
  • Speak just a little louder (like one click of the volume button) than you would normally.
  • Enunciate so they have a better chance of hearing all your words.
  • Think about being the animated version of yourself—if you were a cartoon, you would nod a little bigger, raise your eyebrows more for emphasis, etc.

 

All of these easy tips can help cut down on miscommunication and smooth the interactions we have with those around us.