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Habits

November 1, 2019 by Angie Flynn-McIver

Our habits and routines go a long way to determining who we are. If my habit is to rush from one task to the next, never quite finishing one thing or deliberately beginning the other, that’s who I become. That’s how I know how to be.

 

If, on the other hand, I can take a moment to complete what I’m doing, then change gears to begin the next task with a clear mind and intention, I become that person.

 

What habits have you deliberately chosen? What habits have you fallen into?

 

Connect with us to learn more about Ignite’s coaching process…

Filed Under: Blog

Sending signals

October 31, 2019 by Angie Flynn-McIver

Yesterday, I was headed home after work and approached an intersection. Traffic was backed up, and there were signs indicating some kind of road work ahead, with a flagger who was sending cars through the stoplight.

 

I waited, and after a minute or two, I was second in line to go through the light. At this point, with cars at all four corners, traffic backed up, and the light changing, the flagger simply walked away from his post. I could see the man in the car across from me call something out of his window to the flagger, pointing in the direction he wanted to go, asking a question.

 

The flagger shrugged.

 

The driver did a double take, then proceeded (cautiously) through the intersection. The rest of us fell back into the regular rules of the road.

 

I have never seen this before. This was an active roadway, at rush hour. All the drivers there had suspended their normal understanding of how the rules work, and were following this alternative—the flagger will tell us what to do. We read the signs and signals and altered our behavior.

 

In order to navigate the world safely and appropriately, we look for signs about what’s expected, how to behave, where to go. When we’re the ones in charge, it’s up to us to provide those signs and signals. And, crucially, it’s important to remember that we are sending signals even when we haven’t chosen them. When the flagger was done, he just walked away. In the absence of the flagger, it now felt like there were no rules.

 

Think carefully about the signals you’re sending when:
    • You’re running the meeting
    • You’re giving the speech
    • You’re responsible for other peoples’ understanding of a situation
 

 

Learn more about Ignite’s coaches here…

Filed Under: Blog

When there is no Plan B

October 29, 2019 by Angie Flynn-McIver

I love a Plan B, and often it’s absolutely necessary (see this post!)

 

But sometimes Plan B is a way of copping out, of giving ourselves a way to not do the hard work. And here’s the truth about a Plan B—if you know it’s there, you’re going to use it.

 

The poster child for a security blanket masquerading as a Plan B is this–a person using notes she doesn’t need for her speech. I was coaching someone recently who clutched her notes like a person on a life raft, and she used them even for the first part of her speech—the part that is nothing but her own biographical material.

 

I pointed out that she didn’t need to glance at the notes to remember her own name and job title, and she hadn’t realized that she looked at her notes at all.  Sometimes people can use notes and still stay connected to their audiences. But all too often, this Plan B turns quickly into Plan A—let me just look at what I wrote down; I feel safer. 

 

When my husband Charlie and I got married, we decided to memorize our vows rather than repeat them after the minister. For weeks before the wedding, I said these vows out loud—while I was running errands, walking the dog, in the shower. The whole vow is about fifty words, two of which were my name and my husband’s, but I was terrified that I’d forget something, or freeze, and the words would leave my mind entirely.

 

On the morning of our wedding, at a breakfast held for all our guests, I took Charlie aside. “I think this is a bad idea,” I said. “I think we should have the minister say the vows and we’ll repeat them.” And Charlie, steady as a rock, said, “You’re going to be fine. Let’s stick to the plan–I’ll be there with you.”

 

And he was right. With no Plan B, the words came, full and present, expressing my love and commitment.  Taking the first breath to say the words, “I, Angie, take you, Charlie…,” I felt like I was letting go of a trapeze, not sure what would happen next. Would I remember? Would the words be there? I remember the feeling–like flying and wondering if I would catch the next trapeze, or fall.

 

And then the rest of the vow was right there, just as I had practiced it, catching me and bringing me to the other side. No intermediary, no reminders, no notes, no nudges.

 

Plan B is great when it means you’ve got that back-up battery for your flashlight. But if your Plan B is really a security blanket, leave it aside and take the leap.

 

Learn more about Ignite’s coaching process here…

Filed Under: Blog

The unavoidable

October 28, 2019 by Angie Flynn-McIver

When we bought our house in 2004, we were smitten with the delightful creek that runs through the rear of the back yard. It provides a constant background of gentle rushing water, and it looks lovely in its banks surrounded by wildflowers.

 

What we couldn’t see was the way that the creek, years and several huge storms in the future, would jump its bank upstream from us, flooding our front and back yards repeatedly, and causing major property damage to our neighbor, whose house has been flooded three or four times.

 

What do we do about the unavoidable?

 

We couldn’t predict that this sweet feature of our neighborhood would become a bug. We had no way of knowing that the weather would become a source of worry—what will this next summer thunderstorm bring?  At first, I was frustrated with the me of 2004.  Why did I get a house with a creek in the back? Why didn’t I ask more questions?

 

But there aren’t many lessons there. There’s not a lot I can glean from looking back. What’s unavoidable, what I need to think about, is the next thunderstorm, the next flood.

 

What is my plan now that I know that the unavoidable is coming?

 

When “the unavoidable” is your next speech or presentation, Ignite can help!

Filed Under: Blog

Public speaking for extroverts

October 25, 2019 by Angie Flynn-McIver

“What’s the trick here?,” you might think. “Extroverts are natural public speakers. No problem.” Well, yes and no.

Extroversion refers to how people get their energy; in this case, from being with other people. Many extroverts love to talk and really get their batteries charged from that kind of interaction.

But—surprise!—that doesn’t make them good public speakers. What extroversion does is make a person look forward to public speaking, to tend to enjoy the experience. And while that can help, it’s not the same thing as being good at it.

Points to remember if you’re an extrovert:

—Your natural enthusiasm is an asset! People like watching and listening to someone who seems glad to be there.

—Don’t lean so hard on this strength that you fail to prepare. Channel your excitement into a streamlined message.

—The biggest public speaking pitfall for extroverts is that they get so much energy from their audience that they go off track. It’s great to stay in the moment and be able to talk extemporaneously, but don’t let your ad libs take you down a rabbit hole. You can lose your audience when they feel like you’re talking to hear the sound of your own voice.

Check out more about Ignite’s coaching process here…

Filed Under: Blog

Introverts can be great public speakers.

October 24, 2019 by Angie Flynn-McIver

In my work, the concept of introverts and extroverts comes up often. How can I be a good speaker if I’m an introvert? I can’t be good at networking if I’m an introvert; what should I do? There is a fundamental misunderstanding operating here about the nature of these personality traits.

Introverts and extroverts can be great speakers, to audiences small and large. Introverts and extroverts can network and make small talk. The big difference is the effect such activities have on them.

Extroverts are energized by interacting with other people. Introverts are energized by being alone.

That’s it. Where do you draw your energy? Because of the stereotypes of both traits, though, we tend to think of introverts as reserved and shy, and extroverts as affable and gregarious. And introverts often assume they can’t be good public speakers, and extroverts (sorry), often think they’re better than they are.

Points to consider for introverts

—Use some of your charged-up alone time to prepare for your speech or presentation. Many introverts are thoughtful and reflective; think about how you want to connect with your audience.

—Practice. Out. Loud. Your voice is going to sound different than it does in your head, and the phrases and sentences you thought of may or may not work when you actually say them. Give yourself the gift of a real dress rehearsal.

—If you know you have a speech coming up, carve out time before and after to recharge. Don’t go straight into a meeting or a client lunch—that’s another drain on your energy. Give yourself time to get your battery out of the red zone.

Want to know more about Ignite’s coaching process?  Click here!

Filed Under: Blog

I’m not judging you…except when I am

October 22, 2019 by Angie Flynn-McIver

I got to judge a debate tournament last weekend. It was fascinating—high school students discussed complex policy and legislative issues in much more detail than I could have.

The debate took a specific format, with students alternating speeches in the affirmative and negative about the proposed legislation. Each student also stood for questioning when their speeches were over.

How do you “judge” this? What does it mean to weigh in on how good a job someone does in this area?

I was moderately familiar with most of the issues they debated, but not all. Sometimes there was a disconnect between the rationale of a speech and the confidence with which the student gave it. If I already knew about the topic, I could look past the delivery. If I wasn’t, I had no idea if the student actually knew what they were talking about. I relied then on the questioning of the other students to give me a hint as to whether the speech held water.

The delivery of the speech shouldn’t affect our interpretation of the content—but it does. And this is always true, not just at high school debate tournaments. The first thing we do when we’re looking at someone else is assess whether we can trust them. And when what they say is at odds with how they say it, we decide we can’t.

When I coach clients, they often say “I do fine when I know the material.” That makes sense—we feel more integrated, less vulnerable, when the content of our speech is familiar territory.

Here’s the trick, then—how can we behave as though we’re confident about our material, even when we’re not? How can we close this gap between seeming and being, so that the audience can trust us and listen to our message?

Do you have a speech or presentation coming up soon? Need help? 

Filed Under: Blog

Like-ability

October 21, 2019 by Angie Flynn-McIver

Each Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok post is set up to collect “likes.”

Let’s say you post something that you feel good about, maybe a photo of a hike you took along with a cute caption. You post it, and a few hours later, there are a few comments and likes. You notice, though, that another friend has a short video of the same hike, and there are scores of enthusiastic responses.

If this happens enough times, it could start to change your behavior. Not just in what you put online, but in how you’re thinking about your life and its like-ability when you aren’t online.

Next time you’re on a hike, you make sure your phone is charged, and as you’re walking, you look for the most photogenic stretch of the trail. You take several videos so you can choose the best one to post. Sure enough, you get dozens of likes and comments.

Positive reinforcement really does train us to do what others like. This is great when we’re training puppies and teaching kids not to throw food across the room. But people in a culture that strives for likes may be less willing to be disagreeable in order to stand up for what they believe in. People who understand their value as a result of social media approbation haven’t exercised the muscle that allows them to step away, stand apart, be on the outside.

Being likable seems like it’s a good thing. But too much of a good thing is too much.

 

Find out more about working with Ignite here…

Filed Under: Blog

Tell me a story, then give me the facts.

October 17, 2019 by Angie Flynn-McIver

Recently I had the opportunity to attend a conference where my team had coached a majority of the speakers. The conference was about a specific software solution for a particular industry, one that I don’t know anything about.

 

As I arrived, someone we hadn’t coached was onstage, walking the audience of 300 people through his very detailed slides. Each slide showed lines and lines of data, and his talk was full of acronyms and lingo. I couldn’t discern what he wanted us to do differently as a result of his talk. It was too short to be a training, but the level of detail was comparable.

 

The next speaker, one of our clients, took the stage next. Her job was to make the folks at the conference feel welcome and and reassured that she is on their team. They have to hit levels of compliance to meet government standards and avoid fines, and the software is supposed to help them do this.

 

The speaker’s expertise is data—just like the first guy. But she started by telling us the story of a client who was so frustrated with the bureaucracy of compliance that he was going to leave the field rather than figure out how to meet the standards. She shared what happened when she had a short call with him, to show him exactly how the software could help. Then, she showed a picture of his software dashboard, with 100% compliance. Then, the speaker shared relevant facts and figures—on spare, uncluttered slides that were designed to guide the eyes to the relevant information.

 

She showed up as compassionate, knowledgable, and patient—exactly the person you want beside you as you figure out how to integrate this software into your daily work routines. The story did the work of putting each listener in the frustrated client’s shoes, and getting them to experience the transformation vicariously. The facts bolstered the emotional experience of the story.

 

Give us both—a story to understand the “why” of the facts, and the proof that the story matters.

 

Ready to reach the next level in your communication impact?  Email me, call me, let’s grab coffee!

Filed Under: Blog

The thing about vulnerability

October 17, 2019 by Angie Flynn-McIver

When we are standing up in front of people giving a speech, we can feel very vulnerable. It’s natural—our adrenaline and cortisol often spike in those situations, just like they would if we were experiencing a physical threat.

 

We react by protecting ourselves. Get small, be quiet, don’t put yourself out there, blend in, don’t draw attention…

 

The paradox here is that the smaller you make yourself, the more the audience struggles to reach you. Your vulnerability undermines your ability to connect, and that’s all an audience wants.  What they are looking for is your authenticity, your vulnerability–the very thing you’re trying to hide.

 

Let me be clear—they’re not looking for the you that’s quiet, that’s hiding, that’s trying to get this over with. They’re looking for the you that has something new to say, a message they need to hear.

 

How can you show up as the person the audience wants to hear? How can you navigate your vulnerability so that it heightens your presence instead of sabotaging it?

 

Read more here about Ignite’s communication coaching…

Filed Under: Blog

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