What is your default mode?
Are you the listener or the speaker?
A loner or a group project cheerleader?
The leader or the follower?
Do you like to weigh all the options several times before you decide, or go with your gut?
Do you express your feelings or hold them to yourself?
Are you the person who likes to be in charge of all the decisions, or the person who would rather hold back and observe?
These are all valid, important ways of being.
It’s good to know what behavior you default to. When we know “oh, typically I would speak up at this point in a meeting,” or “I’m noticing I could say something but I’m not,” it gives us a window into what could be different. We can create an experiment—what happens if I’m quiet when I would usually speak? What happens when I step forward to lead, or when I volunteer, or when I hold back?
If you decide to run this kind of experiment, notice how you feel when you’re behaving in the way that is outside your norm. Are you jittery? Anxious? Do you feel stifled? Do you feel vulnerable? What evidence can you collect and learn from?
