A longtime friend and colleague, Josh, wrote last week with some thoughts in response to the post titled “Ask questions.” Here is what I wrote:
So often when we’re not sure what to say, maybe in a situation when we have to talk with people we don’t know well, we try to turn the conversation to topics we’re familiar with. Sports, movies, our last vacation…these give us a place to start from.
The trouble here, though, is that it’s hard to know whether the topic we’ve prepared holds any interest for the person we’re talking to. I suggest that, instead, you ask questions.
What brought you here?
What have you enjoyed so far about this conference/event/meeting? What has surprised you?
I was recently in X for a week; have you done any traveling you have just loved? Where should I go next?
When in doubt, remember: most people like talking about themselves. Ask a few questions instead of launching into a monologue, and you’ll be all set.
Josh responded with some great additional thoughts that I wanted to share:
I think this is good advice in the situation that you presented before. However, I would add the caveat that, when you’re in a creative environment or attempting to collaborate with someone, it’s actually better to throw out an idea than a question.
For example: “What do you think is a good deadline?” is likely to lead to a more lengthy hemming and hawing (i.e. “I don’t know, what’s good for you?”) than “I’ve got time after next week, so I would suggest we set a deadline of two weeks from today.” It feels more polite, but if the goal is to keep the action moving rather than analyze the situation further, a statement can be more valuable than a question.
What do you think? Let me know!
