I want to show them I’m right.

This is a really common default intention (I can tell you from years of personal experience.) And it really never helps you.   If your intention is to make sure the person you’re talking to knows that you’re right, how does that make them feel? What’s the upside?   What do you win?

So…

This little word is making a bid to become the most-overused two-letter word in spoken English. We love to use it as a launch pad into our actual thought—“So, I was thinking we could go to Chipotle,” “So, now I’m going to talk you through the budget, “So, how are you?”   You can see ... Continue Reading

Do just one thing differently.

When we’re trying to learn a new skill, there’s a lot to think about. If you’re learning to play tennis, you can’t think about your feet and your swing and your serve all at the same time.   The same is true when you’re working to improve your communication skills—you can’t do it all at ... Continue Reading

Conference calls are the worst.

Since the advent of the cell phone, people don’t have to be in their offices to talk to you. In many ways, this is terrific. I have a nifty hands-free set-up in my car, and I get a lot done on road trips to and from the airport. But that freedom has a downside, and ... Continue Reading

Make an assertion.

In October, I was a student in Seth Godin’s altMBA program. It’s an intense month of individual and group work that takes the form of thirteen projects, three lengthy meetings per week, and giving and receiving lots of feedback.   One of the guiding principles of the altMBA is that you make assertions. You state ... Continue Reading

“Presenter view.”

When you’re working with a PowerPoint deck, you can select something called “presenter view” when you’re ready to, you know, present. This gives you a large view of the current slide you’re using as well as a (smaller) preview of the one coming up.   Ideally, this is your state of mind, as well. Most ... Continue Reading

How do I start?

Start with something interesting.   Sometimes when people are creating a speech, they treat their content like it’s an Agatha Christie mystery—they save the most important, engaging stuff for two-thirds of the way through.   I’m going to challenge you to put it right up front—tell us why we’re here. Tell us what the most ... Continue Reading

What came before.

In theatre, sometimes we talk about “the moment before.” We’re referring to what happened to a character right before they entered the scene we’re watching. There are clues in the script that tell us what state of mind they’re in, how they’re feeling, who they just saw, etc.   This is important because the character ... Continue Reading

“I will present to you now.”

I’ve seen it a thousand times. The person who was just sitting with me talking excitedly and passionately about their work stands up to present, and they turn into a different person. They go into “presentation mode.” It’s like the change in altitude from sitting to standing flips a switch in their brain, and their ... Continue Reading

What are you thinking about when you’re listening to someone speak?

Are you waiting for your turn?   Are you sifting through their words looking for just what you need to refute their point?   Are you running through your story, joke, or introduction?   The most miraculous thing between two people is when we can stop running our own agenda, let go of our fear, ... Continue Reading