We’re people. We have feelings. One topic that comes up frequently in our communication coaching work is: “What should I do if I feel emotional?” This really means, “I might cry. I don’t want to cry. What can I do to control it?” (Note: I am not saying in this post that it is never acceptable to have some tears. I am showing how this situation can be managed if you do not want to cry.)
A good friend of mine was asked to give a talk on behalf of a local group raising money for and awareness of autism. Her son is autistic, and she knew that aspects of the topic may bring her to tears. She wanted to avoid crying, not because she was embarrassed, but because she thought it might distract from her talk. She wanted a game plan because the prospect of crying was really worrying her.
We talked about why the organization she was speaking for is important to her. We talked about her son and what it was like when he was first diagnosed. Then, I asked her to tell me how she wanted the audience to be different after her talk. What did she want to shift, or change?
She said that she wanted the audience to identify with her son as a person. She wanted them to appreciate that this group is doing profoundly helpful work in our community to support families just like theirs.
As this sense of purpose became clearer, her eyes brightened. She started to rehearse her talk, and even when she got to the part that had make her tear up in the past, she understood that those words were a vehicle to reach her audience. The talk was about connecting with other people, not about showing her feelings.
Her intention, to help the group understand why this work is important, allowed her to channel her emotion into her talk. Of course, she still had feelings, and it was clear as she spoke that she is passionate about the subject. Her emotion came through in her pace, her vocal tone, and her instinctive understanding of when to pause and let the audience take in what she had said.
She did not cry. And the work she put in before the talk to clarify her intention, align her delivery, and practice, alleviated any worry that she might. Instead, she was a powerful and passionate advocate for her son and her family, and others like them.
