Search Results for: sending signals

My good friend Catherine wrote me in response to the October 31 blog post, Sending signals. Catherine pointed out that, right when she was getting intrigued by what I was saying in the post, the writing kind of petered out. “What am I supposed to do with this information? How do I apply it to my life?”

Yes! What’s the “so what,” as I ask my clients. A big thank you to Catherine for nudging me to go deeper.  You can read the rest of the post here, but I’m going to build off of the last part, quoted below:

Let’s say you’re giving a presentation. The audience is looking for guidance as to what this experience with you will bring. Can they trust you to lead them through this? What signals support their conclusion?

All these signals combine to let the audience know that you’re in charge of the room. When they feel they can trust you, they relax and listen to what you have to say.

On the other hand, if you send signals that suggest you don’t want to be there, it’s impossible for the audience to relax. We’re already worried that you’re going to waste our time.  The “I don’t want to be here” signals are the opposite of the first list. They demonstrate that your intention is to get this over with—speaking quickly, starting to talk while you’re still walking up to the front of the room, shuffling through notes and papers, keeping your eyes down. These say “I don’t want to be here.”

And if you don’t want to be here, why should we? Choose your signals wisely.

Yesterday, I was headed home after work and approached an intersection. Traffic was backed up, and there were signs indicating some kind of road work ahead, with a flagger who was sending cars through the stoplight.

I waited, and after a minute or two, I was second in line to go through the light. At this point, with cars at all four corners, traffic backed up, and the light changing, the flagger simply walked away from his post. I could see the man in the car across from me call something out of his window to the flagger, pointing in the direction he wanted to go, asking a question.

The flagger shrugged.

The driver did a double take, then proceeded (cautiously) through the intersection. The rest of us fell back into the regular rules of the road.

I have never seen this before. This was an active roadway, at rush hour. All the drivers there had suspended their normal understanding of how the rules work, and were following this alternative—the flagger will tell us what to do. We read the signs and signals and altered our behavior.

In order to navigate the world safely and appropriately, we look for signs about what’s expected, how to behave, where to go. When we’re the ones in charge, it’s up to us to provide those signs and signals. And, crucially, it’s important to remember that we are sending signals even when we haven’t chosen them. When the flagger was done, he just walked away. In the absence of the flagger, it now felt like there were no rules.

 

• • You’re running the meeting
  • You’re giving the speech
  • You’re responsible for other peoples’ understanding of a situation