Do You Want Me Here, or Just My Money?
Recently I spent the day at an amusement park not too far from where I live. When we arrived, fifteen minutes after the gates opened, there was a long line to get in, even for people who had bought their tickets ahead of time. We spent quite a while in the line, and throughout our …
When Your Default Intention Becomes Your Personality
We all have times when our default intention takes charge. Something happens, and that default intention kicks in. We need to defend ourselves, to prove we’re right, to prevent failure, to let them know they’re wrong, to hide, to make waves, to be heard…the list goes on. But what happens when the fear-based, default reaction …
What Do We Choose to Remember?
The most basic definition of a memorial is that it’s something that exists to remind us of a person or an event. Many of us have personal memorials—objects or photos or books or even places that we keep in our lives in order to help us think about people or times past. These are some …
Coaching Is for You
One of the fundamental principles of coaching is that you can only coach who’s in the room. In other words, it doesn’t make sense to spend a lot of time talking about the boss, the spouse, the colleague: we can only coach the client. Inevitably, clients do talk about other people during sessions, and understanding …
Authenticity and Intention
I’ve had several conversations lately that revolve around the idea of being authentic in conversation. One person said, “Sometimes in a conversation I just feel unfinished, like it’s not honest if I don’t say what’s on my mind, even if we’ve been talking about the topic for a while.” Another person compared what it feels …
What Happens When Your Deliberate Intention Isn’t Enough
I write a lot in this space about creating connection through deliberate intention. Deliberate intention comes from answering these questions: What outcome do I want out of this conversation? How do I want to make this person feel? What do I hope they’ll do? What change am I trying to create? Deliberate intention is an …
What’s Going Wrong?
You know how sometimes you’ll see a play or a movie, and one actor’s performance stands out, and not in a good way? Afterwards you might say, “She seemed like she was in a different play than everyone else.” What’s going on when that happens? When one actor isn’t meshing with the production, they don’t …
A Plea to Educators
My son is in high school, and recently he shared that a student in one of his classes gave a lengthy presentation using slides crammed with text, reading each bullet point aloud. “How am I supposed to learn?” he asked later. “I can’t process this information this way.” I’m not blaming the student. I’m sure …
Point to the Passer
The great Dean Smith was the head coach of the North Carolina Tar Heel basketball team from 1961-1997. Smith had a rule that everyone who played for him followed, and that continues today at Carolina. When you make a basket after getting a pass from a teammate, you point to the person who passed you …
Walking the Dog
Let’s say I run a thriving dog-walking business. I employ five dog walkers to take various clients on walks on different days, and at different times. One walker, someone I have worked with for a while, does a good job but is really flaky about his schedule. He changes things around at the last minute, …
