When you’re nervous, your body can start to betray you. Your hands or voice may shake, or maybe you suddenly can’t quite get your breath.

Here’s a quick routine to get you back in your body, and get your body back on your side. 

Roll your shoulders all the way around their sockets. Forward, up, back. Do this a couple of times. Do it again, going backwards first. 

At the same time, breathe in, and smile. A little smile is fine, just turning up the corners of your mouth. 

As your shoulders settle back down, feel your feet on the floor. Take a few breaths.

There! Does that feel better?

I have been rewatching some old seasons of “Top Chef,” the reality show where chefs compete over several weeks, and one wins, and they cook lots of amazing-looking things.

There is a lot of activity, and hustle, and there’s a deadline, just like in a real kitchen. You need to get your dish cooked and on a plate and out to the diners, or in this case, the judges. There’s a lot to do, and not a lot of time to do it in. 

Something stood out to me about how these professionals communicate in the kitchen.

They don’t waste words. If you’re carrying a very hot dish from the stove to the counter, and you’re crossing behind people who don’t know you’re there, you say something like, “Hot! Behind you.” You are locating yourself in space, you’re letting people know what the potential danger is, and you’re protecting yourself and others from getting hurt. 

This is powerful to me because this communication does exactly what is needed, no more and no less. Because it’s generally accepted as the way people speak to each other in this circumstance, no one apologizes for being abrupt. No matter who’s speaking, their volume is appropriate to this busy space.  The alignment between what the words need to do and how they are delivered is totally integrated. 

What’s the “Behind you!” where you work?

Extend your generosity.

When you’re in the audience and the speaker says “um,” mispronounces a word, or seems a little nervous, give them a break. As long as they are prepared, and they’re trying to make a connection with you, give them the benefit of the doubt.

If, on the other hand, the speaker seems to be taking your goodwill for granted, if they are casual, winging it, and glib, give them my contact information.

The idea of an “elevator speech” or “pitch” is that you have something concise at the ready when someone, in an elevator, asks, “What are you up to these days?” Your time is limited! The floors are ticking by! WHAT WILL YOU SAY?!

An elevator speech gives you a way to respond that’s better than “Uh, not much, just busy.” But most elevator speeches fall short in a few key ways.

First, elevator speeches are prepared ahead of time, so they often have the quality of something written and never spoken. People are coached to get as much valuable information into as short a time as possible, and it starts to have the overstuffed feeling of a mission statement. “This new initiative is boldly connecting people and resources to solve the pressing challenges of our time!”

Lots of words that pack a punch, not a lot of room for genuine connection with the other person.

This leads to another point: many people have a negative reaction to the idea of giving a “speech.” The word itself implies that we have to perform. An elevator speech combines three things that can be difficult: constrained time, the surprise element, plus the fact of the “speech” itself. Yikes!

Finally, I don’t know about you, but when I say hi to someone in the elevator, I’m not issuing an invitation for them to deliver a speech or a pitch, (even a short one). I’d love to hear an update, and perhaps have a chance to ask a question or even offer my own thoughts. 

What if we reframe this whole idea from an elevator speech to an elevator chat? What can you offer that engages and intrigues the other person, rather than making them your captive audience of one? 

I suggest starting with a phrase like “One project I’ve been working on that’s exciting is—“ or “Oh, let me tell you about the cool challenge we’re wrestling with.” Find the words that reflect something you would really say, that let you highlight something going on with your work. Stay positive, quick, and upbeat, and remember the most important thing is to actually connect with the other person.

Let’s start to think of the encounter in the elevator as the beginning of a conversation, rather than an impromptu command performance. Whew! Doesn’t that feel better?

A client recently had a wonderful insight that I wanted to share. You know how sometimes we talk about “putting out fires” to describe solving urgent problems at work?

My client pointed out that even firefighters take a minute to plan before they get to work. In fact, the planning is built into their process: while they’re traveling to the location, they go over a checklist of what they need to do, and they get briefed on the way.

When we think about “putting out fires,” there’s a rushed, urgent sense to the phrase and the activity it represents. But what if, instead, we imagine a calm, measured approach to handling emergencies? One that includes a breath, a pause, and a few minutes of centered planning before jumping to any action?

When you’re crafting your presentation, start by figuring out two important things.

First, you need to be able to boil your message down to a sentence or two. What are you trying to convey? What’s the kernel of your content? This shouldn’t be a multi-paragraph summary of details. Instead, spend some time determining the main thrust of your message.

Second, figure out what  you want the people listening to you to do with your message. Do you want them to feel empowered? Outraged? Ready for action? Inspired? Excited to rally together? Confident that they can apply your idea to their situation? Curious to learn more?

Once you’re clear about the crux of your message and the outcome you seek, apply these as filters to the other decisions you make as you’re preparing. Considering adding a new section to your talk? Make sure it serves the message and the outcome. Your boss wants you to insert three new slides? See if they pass the content/intention tests. 

When you align content and outcome, you make it easy for the audience to understand and act on your message. 

There are SO MANY lists, articles, and videos that spotlight the writer’s “don’t ever do this” language pet peeves. For added credibility, they sometimes claim to reflect “the grammar mistakes that drive your manager crazy” or “eight words that always undermine your public speaking.”

Here’s my take. There’s no definitive list of language pitfalls that is going to keep you safe from all mistakes, in all circumstances. Language evolves and changes, and one person’s pet peeve is another person’s “eh, who cares?”

Think more about your intention than a list of other people’s pet peeves. If you can connect with the audience through your message, you’ll be successful.

I do recommend that speakers check their grammar and pronunciation when they’re preparing, especially if the talk is very high stakes. More importantly, I urge audiences to suspend their reflexive judgment of other people’s misspeaking. If you hear someone use a phrase you dislike, or a word that “undermines” them, zoom out. 

Everybody: focus on the whole picture, not one word or phrase. 

Some folks come to us for coaching after years of feeling bad about how they communicate. They got some harsh feedback, or maybe they didn’t do a great job on a presentation, and now their internal story is “I’m not good at this.”

I’m not sure why public speaking, in particular, brings out so many people’s inner critic. We are able to give ourselves some latitude and grace in many other areas of our lives, but this one quickly turns into an “I’m a disaster” narrative.

If a speech or presentation isn’t going the way you hoped, that’s okay. Take a breath. Smile. Make eye contact with a friendly face. Remember why you’re there. What are you hoping people will take away from your message? If they don’t remember anything else, what’s the most important thing? (Hint: what do you want them to feel, think, or do as a result of what you say?)

And finally, let it go. Don’t ruminate on how that grumpy person looked at you or how many times you think you said “um.” Focus on what went well and what you can build on for next time. Start a new story, one that says “I’m getting better at this every time I do it.”

Can I ask a favor?

About 30% of the people who subscribe to this blog read it on a regular basis. That’s great! That means that you’re probably one of those people. Even better! 🙂

Here comes the favor. Is there someone you know who would appreciate the techniques, thoughts, and tips that I share here? If so, would you forward a post that really resonated with you?

This one, about what to do when someone in the audience looks like they’re furious at you, seemed to strike a chord with many of you!

Or maybe this one, about intention and impact, is more your speed:  Intention versus impact.

If neither of those is really your thing, I would be thrilled for you to share any post you find valuable.

Thank you, thank you!

Everyone is a good communicator in most situations. When the stakes are low and you feel comfortable, you don’t even think about how you’re speaking. The words flow, and you connect.

The trick to “public speaking” is to remember how you communicate naturally even when you’re in circumstances that don’t feel natural. For most people, it doesn’t feel natural to stand up in front of lots of other people, talking all by yourself.

Start by noticing how you speak when you’re in your element. You feel confident, happy, knowledgable, whatever. Notice what happens when you really get going: maybe you’re telling the story of something that happened when you went to pick up dinner at your favorite restaurant, or you’re excited to share what’s happening with a new project at work.

What does your voice do? How about your hands? How does your energy feel? Are you sitting or standing?

Not everything in your casual/conversational style will translate to a more formal speech or presentation, but most of it will. Your inflection, gestures, pace, energy, and cadence are all elements of your personal communication style, and they need to show up when you’re in “public speaking” mode.

Want to get even better? Get in touch for personalized communication skills coaching!